'Latest blog

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

valerietw@mac.com (Valerie Taylor-Walker) — Sat, 02 Jul 2022 15:13:52 GMT

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

How stressful is life at the moment. Covid is still lurking around, now we have monkey pox and not forgetting the terrible atrocities going on in the Ukraine. Normally a nice holiday would help chill us out, at least for a bit, but it seems event that could be a problem with the increased fuel costs, train and airline strikes and lack of staff. It's now wonder so many of us are feeling overwhelmed and stressed out, trying to deal with all the demands placed on us in these uncertain times.

If you don't know already, some of the signs of stress are difficulty sleeping, constant fatigue, waking up feeling exhausted, difficulty concentrating, tense and aching muscles, headaches or tight chest, stomach upset and worsening symptoms of any existing medical problem.

There are several techniques which help us to relax and unwind, such as yoga, exercise, reading a book, listening to music or taking a long relaxing bath but what about during the day, when we are trying to cope with all the demands being thrown at us?

Firstly, we can remind ourselves to breathe. I know you have heard it all before, but it must work otherwise this advice wouldn't have been passed down through the generations. But its not just taking a breath, its more about breathing out! How often do we just breathe in the upper chest area and find we are holding our breath when tense. So check in occasionally throughout the day to see where those stress levels are at and if they are building up, just take a deep breath in (filling your abdomen with air in order to get all that oxygen deep into the lower lungs and into our organs), hold it for a couple of seconds and then breathe out (making sure the out breath is a little longer, eg breathing in for 4 and breathing out for 6. Breathing out all the toxins and stresses of the day.

Simply remembering to do this a few times during the day will lower your blood pressure, reduce your heart rate and bring your mind and body back into balance.

Going beyond

valerietw@mac.com (Valerie Taylor-Walker) — Sat, 01 May 2021 13:34:20 GMT

Doing the best you can

It was in 2007 when I took part in the London Marathon. A very long time ago now, I know, but the memory stays with me. I had never run before, hadn’t done any kind of sport and couldn’t even ride a bike. Needless to say, I was overweight and unfit, but having watched my daughter take part in 5k and 10k runs, I was impressed by everyone that had made the effort to take part, even those who were walking.

My daughter encouraged me to try running and before I knew it we had entered the London Marathon, probably so she wouldn’t be the one coming in last. It was October when I first put on those running shoes and the Marathon was in April. I could barely run from one lamppost to the next.

Anyone who has run the London Marathon knows that it is not the Marathon itself that is the challenge, but all the preparation that needs to take place beforehand. Making the time to train, slowly building up the miles, finding the courage to run outside your familiar area in order to clock up the distance and going out in rain, biting wind and snow. I usually went out in the night, so nobody could see me but soon learned that the one good thing about running is that nobody knows at what stage you are in your training or whether you are warming up or cooling down, thank goodness.

The training involved taking part in smaller competitions, running 3k, 5k and 10k races as well as half marathons. I didn’t realise the bridges in London were so steep! I remember a Silverstone half marathon running on my own through a blizzard. No doubt everybody else had finished and were enjoying a nice hot soak in a tub or a hot chocolate. It took me over a week to warm up and I am sure I had hypothermia.

Everybody is different and many are experienced runners, cyclists or even fitness gurus but on the actual day, it really doesn’t matter as you are all part of one big ‘party’. And it feels like a party as the different charities and spectators are everywhere, on the roadside or balconies, handing you jelly babies for energy, waving flags, playing loud music and cheering you along.

The event was hard and pretty daunting. You really want to be able to cross that finish line in one piece. In 2017 it was the hottest day on record and they had run out of water early on. People were forced to pick up bottles scattered on the road to drink what they could and I will always be grateful for the young child who ran over to me to hand me a fresh bottle – which does not say much for my speed at the time. My aim was to catch up with the Womble that I thought had just overtaken me, only to find several miles later that there were actually loads of Wombles taking part, but at least it kept me motivated.

I saw a couple of friends along the way and stopped and had a chat. Any excuse to catch my breath. My family had taken a huge ice cream balloon, so that I could easily spot them en- route and I think they had done as much walking as I had running, so that they could greet us at the end. My daughter had gone ahead as she had set herself a time challenge, whereas my challenge was to just run across that finish line.

Even after all these years, I am still feeling the exhilaration and pride from having completed the course and been able to run across the finish line. Together we had raised over £6000 for our charity, Carers UK, which in itself was rewarding. My medal and photo are framed. I have learned that it is important to push yourself out of your comfort zone now and then, that by setting yourself a challenge occasionally (even a small one) you will benefit from the achievement years and years down the line. When things get tough, I know that I can pull through. I also know that if I really set my mind to doing something I can do it. I have also learned that you don’t have to be the best (there was no way I could win this race!) but just do the best that you can and if you don’t achieve what you hoped to achieve, then at least you made the effort.

I would love to hear what challenges you have set yourself in life and overcome and how you feel about it now.

Stand by your man

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 21:46:50 GMT

Stand by your man

It’s so easy to forget that men can suffer from mental health problems too. They can be anxious, depressed, suffer panic attacks or develop obsessive compulsive disorders and yet they rarely talk about their feelings or ask for help. One of the problems is that they are expected to be strong, in control and able to cope. Admitting to feeling anxious or depressed, risks making them look weak and they may feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Despite growing mental health awareness, the stigma attached to mental health problems in men is still strong. If they are not encouraged to seek help when they need it and we don’t pick up on the signs, the problem will usually just get worse. According to government statistics as many as 1 in 8 men suffer from mental ill health and they are 3 times more likely than women to commit suicide. In fact suicide is the biggest cause of death in men under the age of 35 and the number of men committing suicide between the ages of 45-59 has been increasing over the last 5 years.

So what are some of the warning signs? Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, a change in appetite, being self-critical or becoming unusually quiet and withdrawn could all be signs of depression. They may become restless or anxious or lose their temper more easily and be irritable or aggressive. You may notice that things they used to enjoy may no longer interest them and they may have difficulty concentrating or remembering things. They may also start taking unnecessary risks or start drinking too much or taking drugs to help them cope.

How can you help? Letting them know they are not alone and that you are there to listen without judgement is one important first step. Even sending a text or email could make such a difference. Reassure them there is nothing to be ashamed of and that it is okay to ask for help and encourage them to speak to their GP if needed. Perhaps finding some local support groups or websites where they can find more information or obtain some advice will help to show that there is support out there. Explaining they are not to blame and that everybody feels like this occasionally, especially with the current pandemic, and that by being open and honest about how they feel is an important first step to feeling better.

There are some practical ways that can help, such as taking a walk outside can help to clear the mind, eating healthily, listening to relaxing music or watching some comedy can all help to lift the mood. Even a change in posture, such as sitting up straight or looking up can help someone feel more positive. Try slumping in a chair and see how it can negatively change your mood! Taking some deep breaths in through the nose and breathing out more slowly helps to relieve anxiety and practicing mindfulness may be beneficial.

Most importantly of all, do not ignore the clues.

If you are concerned about someone’s mental health, do seek help. Of course, if it is urgent, then call 999 or take them to A&E.

Below are some of the charities and organisations that offer advice and support:

CALM - www.thecalmzone.net (0800 58 58 58) from 5pm to midnight – offers a free anonymous webchat

Men’s Health Forum www.menshealthforum.org.uk

MIND Website: www.mind.org.uk

Or for urgent support :

Samaritans - www.samaritans.org Call free on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org

“SHOUT” - www.giveusashout.org Text SHOUT to 85258 or visit Shout Crisis

SANE National Male Survivor Helpline 08088 800 5005 www.sane.org.uk/support

Are you getting enough sleep

Tue, 10 Mar 2020 17:47:47 GMT

Are you getting enough sleep?

I have not had any proper sleep for over 20 years. My daughter would have night time seizures, so I have always been on alert and woken on a regular basis. Eventually I adjusted to this disturbed sleep pattern and have learned to manage on about 4-5 hours sleep a night. I imagine I am not alone. On the positive side, long haul flights don’t bother me as I am happy to catch the odd hour when I can.

I didn’t see it as a problem, in fact I was quite proud of the fact that I could cope on such little sleep until I attended a talk by Dr Neil Stanley, a renowned sleep expert. I was shocked to learn just how damaging a chronic lack of sleep can have both on your physical and mental health.

Sleep, it seems is just as important to our overall well-being as proper nutrition and exercise and yet it is probably given the least attention. Sleep is vital for brain activity. It is during sleep that the brain processes and organises all the data we have accumulated during the day. Lack of sufficient sleep can make us irritable, forget things, find it difficult to concentrate or make plans. Over time it can also lead to depression, anxiety and puts us at higher risk of developing dementia.

Sleep is also vital for our physical health as during sleep our body gets rid of all the toxic bi-products and allows our body to heal. Chronic lack of sleep lowers our immune system and make us more susceptible to illness. It also increases our chance of developing chronic diseases like obesity, heart disease or diabetes

Apparently, we don’t all need a full 8 hours. The amount we need is affected by genetics and our age. The quality of our sleep is also important. How do you know how much sleep you need? Basically, you should feel awake and refreshed during the day and if you are lacking energy or feeling tired, then it is time to consider making some changes.

Of course, like me, there could be reasons outside of your control that stop you getting the right amount of sleep. Perhaps you are a carer, like me, or have a young baby. Or it may be worth checking with your doctor to eliminate any underlying medical condition which could be disrupting your sleep.

If it is a case of anxiety, excess worrying, poor sleep routine, depression or being disturbed by others, eg as a carer or a new parent, then hypnotherapy can help. In my case, the deep relaxation from hypnotherapy and the various techniques the therapist has in their tool box, now means my quality of sleep has really improved, even if it is still a little shorter than it should be.

Here are a few tips which might help if you are struggling :

1. Have a regular sleep routine

2. Get a comfortable bed and pillows

3. Don’t eat a meal late

4. Avoid caffeine in the evening

5. Don’t try and force yourself to go to sleep. If you really are unable to fall asleep, get up and do

something calming and try again later

6. Create a restful environment, ie play some restful music, keep the room temperature cool

7. Don’t exercise late in the evening

8. Focus on your breathing, breathing in and out slowly and deeply. Tense and relax your body, relaxing

each part.

9. If you have a young baby or are a carer, try to get someone to do a night shift occasionally or try and

take a nap during the day.

More information can be found on Dr Stanley’s website www.thesleepconsultancy.com or in his book “How to Sleep Well”

The anxiety caused by the recent coronavirus scare can actually make us ill

Sun, 08 Mar 2020 10:33:51 GMT

Why thinking about the coronavirus can make us ill

The coronavirus is all people are talking about at the moment. The constant reporting of it and its surrounding uncertainty is causing panic buying, stockpiling and a great deal of stress and anxiety not only in the UK but across the world.

There is a lot about the coronavirus that scientists are saying they don’t know and when situations appear unpredictable it is not unusual for people to think the worse.

Thinking of the worst-case scenario, however, can be harmful in itself. If allowed to continue, it can have a negative impact on our physical health and mental well being. It can stop us going out, meeting friends and simply enjoying life. It might make us more likely to resort to smoking or drinking alcohol in excess.

The stress hormones which are released to enable us to deal with a potentially dangerous situation can, if the situation is prolonged, increase our blood pressure, affect our appetite and digestion, cause sleep problems and lower our immune system, making us more susceptible to illness. So perhaps it could be argued that constantly worrying about the coronavirus could potentially increase our risk of catching it?

So what can we do?

Firstly, preventative measures are of course important. We should all wash our hands regularly and cover our nose and mouth when coughing or sneezing. Avoid mixing with people, especially vulnerable people, if feeling unwell and call the doctor or NHS 111 if your symptoms get worse. These are all normal, sensible precautions that we should be following with any infectious disease.

Focus on the positive. Search for some pleasant news in the media or on the internet, watch a funny film or tv programme or listen to some enjoyable music. All these things help to release helpful hormones such as endorphins, serotonin and dopamine which can boost your immune system and improve your mood.

Every now and then check how you are thinking. If they are negative thoughts, try to change them to something more positive.

Say something nice to someone and to yourself, give a compliment to a stranger, do something helpful for someone.

Take a 10 or 20 minute walk every day or go to the gym to release any tension and improve your health

Be mindful of what you are eating and enjoy each mouthful

Take a few minutes to deep breathe. Breathe in through the nose and breathe out twice as slowly. Repeat this five or 6 times or until you feel more relaxed.

Keep conversations positive. Negative talk tends to encourage others to think and feel negative. If someone asks how you are, say you are great.

Count to 10 before panic buying. Think about those who might really need these products right now.

Have empathy and give support to those who are ill or currently suffering.

Bring your focus to the here and now. Be in the moment.

And finally, remember to use your commonsense. We all have it, but it can easily get swept away.

Facing the Mighty Mouse

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 22:29:21 GMT

Do you share my fear of mice? I had forgotten I had a fear, until a mouse suddenly decided to jump out from under a chair this week!

It’s completely irrational, I know. It is not as if they are huge and can attack me! In fact you hardly see them they are so fast - just a flash from the corner of your eye. This one, however, took great pleasure in darting in and out between my mum's feet (she is sitting in the chair!) or just standing in the middle of the room, as if to torment me.

But why the fear? Jumping at the sight of a mouse is actually quite a natural response. Their sudden movement causes a 'startle' reaction, where our subconscious automatically senses danger and we go into flight or fight mode – though in this case it is less fight and more a case of flight or freeze.

I never used to be scared of mice, but I believe in my case it was a learned response. Both my mother and grandmother would scream and jump onto the nearest chair should they ever see one, so now I tend to do the same.

The dilemma! This week, however, I was forced to face my fears! The mouse actually appeared from under my elderly mother’s chair. She happens to be extremely fond of biscuits and despite continual hoovering and clearing up, there is always remains some evidence of her constant munching. I was absolutely mortified, but what could I do. If I suddenly yelled and jumped up, she would become hysterical and possibly have a heart attack. At the same time, not telling her risked the mouse running over her bare feet!

In the end. like two naughty children, my husband and I managed to secrete several mouse traps under her chair whilst she was fixated on the television. I laughed nervously and petrified that the mouse would jump out and attack me.

Eventually the mouse ran around the all the traps and disappeared out of the room, but before I could relax, to my horror a baby mouse suddenly appeared! I now felt completely hysterical at the thought of them actually nesting in her chair. My heart was now pounding in my chest and I was visibly shaking. It too eventually ran out, but not before my blood pressure was close to exploding.

Result! Despite our best efforts, the mice still appear to prefer our company. However, to my great relief, I find I have actually now overcome my fear of mice!

What helped?

Having no choice but to carry on as though nothing was happening, I had to face my fear and the worst thing that I feared could happen obviously didn't.

Making use of various hypnotherapy techniques to keep me calm in the situation, including ratio-breathing and changing the way I actually perceived the mice. (I told myself that the mouse was simply a mother trying to feed her baby and keep it safe and warm from the storm outside. She didn't intend me any harm and was in fact frightened herself).

By anticipating the mice and knowing they would do me no harm, it was longer perceived as a threat. As a result the fight or flight response did not kick in.

The only problem now is I have been left with a much bigger fear – that of my mother finding out!

Are you scared of mice? Or spiders? How do you manage? What helps?